50 Words of Teshuva

Renewal will come. As the calendar turns, and my thoughts turn to the annual rhythms of the holidays, I feel deeply how off-beat everything is now. But I have hope and know that the next moment is not this moment, renewal will come, and we will return again. L’shanna tovah!

So many discoveries as we stay close to home. New places to hike, walk, cycle; beautiful forests, hills, trails, ponds to explore. For the new year, discoveries close to home take on a different meaning as I look inward. Pay attention to my inner voice. Listen. Stop moving. Time for change and growth.

My high school ambitions come to a halt. A different experience, unfair. Old friendships fade as new ones take their place. Striving for greatness, infusion brings me up short. IV, hospital, nurse. In this new beginning, I strive to radiate love and kindness to those who need it the most.

Almost six months since Passover, and still I hear, next year may we all be free. I miss the feeling of the prayer book, the smell of the sanctuary, the kiddish. I turn toward a new year’s hope, a reconfigured temporary community. My prayer: we work for a shared freedom.

I miss yameinu c'kedem; being amid others - their ideas, songs, laughter, silences. Nowadays my companions are poets reaching from another century. Lea Goldberg confides of waiting in a cafe at night, longing for her beloved. Yehuda Amichai shares prophesies granted by fruit acquired at an outdoor market. Together we pray.

A spacecraft bound for another planet inevitably needs a course correction so it can fall into orbit around the planet and land on the surface. Likewise, embodied souls need occasional course corrections to fulfill their potential. May Elul provide some of the course corrections you need to make it so

Jewish and Buddhist practices help me live meaningfully through crisis and the unknowns. How to become a more peaceful “warrior”, the most holy version of myself? My teshuvah means acquiring ometz lev (a courageous heart), integrating my thinking and working for just causes to contribute to the radical changes that are needed in our world.

Rosh Hashanah family picnic; eating outdoors like Sukkot, but a big backyard instead of a small booth. Brisket sandwiches, potato salad, a circular Challah made from scratch. Singing along with the service while "muted", but we hear birds singing as the backup choir. And...100 fewer usher positions to fill!

I love the Jewish cycles of the year. As I approach the Jewish New Year, I fully realize my humanness which acknowledges and accepts how I have at times deviated from my true self..........and that I have another opportunity to grow, to strive, and to transform. I use the practice of Hitbodedut to regularly go to a quiet place to talk with God, to be genuinely vulnerable, to challenge myself to be the best version of myself.