50 Words of Teshuva

During Elul, I want to revise the continuum on which I judge my actions and my memories. Now I’m like Yelp, all 1-star or 5-star reviews. Rabbi Braunig asked Elul Writers to think about things we’re willing to be “just ok” with. I want to start aiming at the middle.

Springtime fears eased with meditation, Boker Tov, family dinners, creative endeavors. Summer saw new, masked way of being - children leaving home, again; work resuming; parents remaining unvisited; dog passing. Heartache. And yet, now Fall approaches with Elul reflections on sweetness: familial love, meaningful work, comfy home, faithful friendships, caring community.

I have my communities with me, but it's not what I've come to expect. I have my communities with me, but it has forced me to change how I make my connections. I know where to find them and they know where to find me. That is truly a blessing!

  A well-worn paperback, creases in the spine: S.Y. Agnon’s Days of Awe , my reading for Elul. “Two Kinds of Candles" describes the custom of women making “candles of the soul” prior to Yom Kippur; they also created “candles of health.” I imagine our beautiful sanctuary alight with hundreds of them…

I learned how to shop for 3 weeks. My kids kept commanding: go shopping. And I did, every day. 7am. They were alarmed. I would say… but I ran out of… Within a ¼ mile is the Butcherie, Whole Foods, Trader Joes, and 4 supermarkets. I had to learn.

A chayt - sin - in Hebrew means "an arrow that missed the mark." In my roles, how have I missed the mark -- as a father, husband, son, rabbi, shul member, citizen? I must use Elul to do tikkun between me and other humans, to be ready to face the Holy One.

Does brisket come that small? A whole kugel for 3? And what about the cakes? So much leftover to pick at, little by little.  Maybe this year it’s a different menu, honoring the planet, respecting our bodies as well as tradition. Acknowledging a different year. Still, apples and sweet honey.